Triangular Deal
by pingo1387
Summary: Robin doesn't always make the best decisions when she's tired. A straight-up parody of S2E4 "Sock Opera." One-shot.


"Robin?"

Robin looked up from her seat in the library to see Nami in her nightgown at the bottom of the ladder. She smiled. "Nami?"

"Are you gonna go to bed?" Nami asked, yawning and brushing some hair away from her face.

Robin shook her head and gestured to her notes. "I found a Poneglyph today, but I didn't recognize a few symbols, and I'm trying to work them out. I'll get some rest once I figure it out."

Nami frowned. "Come on . . . you shouldn't stay up too late. It's not good to run on coffee all the time. I know Sanji- _kun_ will make it whenever you want, but even he knows it's not good . . ."

"I'm fine," Robin said reassuringly.

Nami shrugged. "G'night, then," she said, heading back up the ladder.

Robin returned to poring over her notes, frowning deeply and scratching her forehead with the feather pen.

* * *

Hours later, she was still burning the midnight oil and struggling to keep her eyes open. She had not slept the night before (quite by accident, she would assuredly say), and was exhausted.

She shook her head vigorously and pushed her hair out of the way yet again.

"Why did I ever grow it out?" she murmured to herself. "I wish I could just figure it out . . . but no one can help me with this . . ."

As she bent over her notes yet again, she felt a sudden chill down her spine and her surroundings became grayscale. The flame in the lamp stopped flickering, leaving a strange gray glow to light the room.

She stood and looked around for the source of this strange occurrence.

"No one can help you?" a disembodied voice said. It was strangely high-pitched. "I wouldn't be so sure about that, Flower."

Robin looked around and backed up warily as glowing light filled a spot above the desk. It slowly formed into a triangle shape, with odd noodle-like appendages dangling off of it. The triangle filled with color and came into full view: It was yellow, like a pyramid, and had a single cat-shaped eye near its top point, upon which rested a black top hat. Its arms and legs, dangling off its angled sides and bottom respectively, made it look like it stood akimbo.

"Well, well, well," the triangle said cheerfully. "I've been wanting to meet you, Nico Robin."

Robin narrowed her eyes. "I've seen you before."

"Everyone's seen triangles before," the thing said casually, making as if to lean on something.

"No," Robin said. "I've seen _you_ before. You were with the Marines when Ohara was . . ."

"Oh, that," the triangle said dismissively. "I may have helped them out at that time, but no hard feelings, right? It was just a job, and it would've happened with or without my help."

"Who are you?" Robin demanded.

"Name's Bill Cipher," the triangle said, tipping his top hat, "master of the mindscape. You might call me a demon, but just Bill is fine!"

"What is this?" Robin asked, looking around the room.

"Hm? We're in the mindscape," Bill said casually. "Don't mind the scenery, Flower, I'm the only thing that can hurt you here."

Robin crossed her arms and tried to get Bill in a chokehold, but not only did the demon appear to be almost two-dimensional, her arms could not sprout upon him.

Bill chuckled. "Nice try! But I'm the one in control here."

Robin backed up another step, eyeing him. "Why are you here?"

"I've been keeping an EYE on you since the Ohara incident," Bill said, his eye briefly glowing red as he said the word. "You're a clever one, Flower, and I gotta say, I'm impressed with your work."

He studied her notes with his arms behind his back.

"Don't touch them," Robin said warningly.

Bill laughed. "I can't touch the physical world in this form, Flower. As I was saying, you've done some impressive work with the Poneglyphs. You deserve a prize! Here, have a meat fountain!"

He snapped his fingers and a fountain flowing with thick, chunky, raw meat appeared. Robin jumped and looked at it with disgust.

Bill laughed again and snapped his fingers, letting the fountain and its components vanish. "Kidding, I'm kidding. Seriously, you look like you could use some help with your notes here."

"What if I do?" Robin said.

Bill floated up to her, sitting on her shoulder. She tried to get him off, but he was immovable.

"I know what the Poneglyph says," he announced casually.

"Do you?" Robin said skeptically.

"Oh, I know LOTS of things," Bill said as his yellow exterior flashed a series of images too fast for the naked eye to follow, though Robin caught glimpses of fire, flags, and fists.

"Nico Robin, 30 years of age, started travelling with the Strawhats about two years ago," Bill recited, "only person alive able to read the Poneglyphs, the only record of an ancient civilization, now extinct."

"You say you know how to read the Poneglyphs?" Robin asked.

Bill probably would have grinned if he'd had a mouth. "Sure I do, Flower. And I can tell you what that one says. I only ask for a small FAVOR in return." His eye briefly glowed blue when he said the word.

Robin frowned. Something seemed off.

"What do you say?" Bill said, floating in front of her and holding out his hand, glowing with blue flame. "Wanna make a deal?"

"No," Robin said firmly. "I'll figure it out on my own."

Bill withdrew his hand and shrugged. "Suit yourself. Wanna know what you'll hear in about three seconds? 'Hey, Robin, get up! Breakfast is ready!'"

* * *

"Hey, Robin, get up! Breakfast is ready!"

Robin awoke with a start. She scratched her head and looked around.

The room was normally colored again and everything was where she'd left it, the flame in the lamp almost out of oil from burning all night.

"Robin?"

Robin started and looked over at Nami by the ladder.

"Morning," she said sleepily, yawning hugely.

"Good god, you look awful," Nami said, coming over to help Robin out of the chair. "You must be going on vacation with such huge bags under your eyes."

"Thanks," Robin said sarcastically.

Nami sighed. "I _told_ you not to stay up late . . ."

"Nami, something weird happened last night," Robin said, and she proceeded to tell Nami about Bill Cipher on their way to the kitchen.

"That sounds weird, but it must've been a dream," Nami said dismissively as they entered. "You're focusing too much on that Poneglyph. Take a break, for goodness' sake."

Robin sighed as she sat down and Sanji loyally served up her coffee. She gulped some down, trying to kick herself into gear from her long night.

"You okay, Robin?" Luffy asked concernedly.

"I'm fine," Robin said shortly.

* * *

She spent the entire day in the library, studying her notes over and over, nearly falling asleep many times. Sanji was happy to bring her lunch, though he first tried to gently pry her away from her studies with no success.

Once again, she stayed up all night trying to decipher the code, but with no luck.

As the sun rose, the room turned grayscale and Robin looked up, startled.

"Getting desperate yet?"

Bill Cipher floated in front of Robin, looking rather smug.

"That deal's still on the table, Flower, whenever you're ready," he said, examining his hand as if he had all the time in the world—which he certainly did, and more.

Robin sighed. Normally her pride would have pushed her to refuse, but as it was, she was exhausted and becoming desperate, and an exhausted and desperate Robin was not a wise one.

"What is it you want in return, anyway?" she said tiredly.

Bill's eye lit up. "Oh . . . a puppet."

"A puppet?"

"Yeah," Bill said cheerfully. "What do you say?"

Robin hesitated.

"Come on, it's just one puppet," Bill coaxed.

Robin knelt, took off her socks, tossed one aside, and laid the other on the desk. She searched the room, found some needle and thread Nami had left the day before, and used it to sew up a crude sock puppet, even popping off two buttons on her shirt for the eyes.

"There," she said, laying it on the table. It was poorly made, due both to Robin's lack of craftsmanship and her exhaustion.

"Excellent, excellent," Bill said. He held out his hand to her, glowing with blue flame. "So we have a deal?"

Robin took his hand in her own and shook firmly, their clasp glowing blue. "We have a deal."

Bill did not let go and Robin frowned. "Aren't you going to take the puppet?"

"Oh, certainly," Bill said. "I appreciate that you took the time to make the sock . . . thing, but I already had a puppet in mind."

Robin felt a sense of dread creep over her. "And what puppet would that be?" she asked, trying to no avail to pull her hand out of Bill's grasp.

"YOU."

Bill yanked on her arm and Robin felt pain throughout her entire being as she was ripped from her body and sent somersaulting away. She shook her head and looked up and around. The room seemed to be in the physical realm once more. She was floating in midair, a see-through spirit of some kind, while her body was slumped in the desk chair. As she watched in horror, it sat up, opened its eyes to reveal slits for pupils, and grinned.

"Sorry, Flower, but YOU'RE my puppet now!" Bill/Robin yelled. He laughed maniacally, seized Robin's precious notes, and threw them into the lamp, where they smoldered and turned to ash. Robin cried out and floated to the lamp, trying to reach in and grab them, but her hand went straight through, touching nothing.

"We had a _deal_ , Bill!" she yelled as the triangle possessing her body started walking around in a wobbly fashion.

"Oh, I'll tell you what that Poneglyph says . . . I just didn't say when!" Bill exclaimed, tripping. "Wow, it's been so long since I inhabited a body! These noodle legs are weird!" He felt Robin's face. "TWO eyes! And a MOUTH! Humans sure are interesting!"

"What do you want?" she demanded, trying to get back into her body, but she floated through to the other side.

"Look, Flower," Bill said, grinning, "fact is, you've been getting way too close over the years to certain things I want to stay secrets. You can have your body back AFTER I finish burning all your notes!"

Robin gritted her teeth. "Don't. You. Dare."

"Thing is, I have to find them first, so you may have to stay like that for a while," Bill said, slapping his—Robin's—face. "Haha! Pain is hilarious! Woo!"

"Robin?"

Nami came down the ladder and hopped to the ground. "Breakfast's ready," she said, speaking unknowingly to Bill. "You didn't stay up all night again, did you?"

"Of course not!" Bill said innocently, grinning. "I just woke up! I feel great!"

"Oh, good," Nami said with relief.

"Nami!" Robin exclaimed, floating in front of her and waving frantically. "Nami! That's not me! Please, help!"

"Anyway, Sanji- _kun_ 's waiting on you, so come on," Nami said, speaking over Robin's unheard pleas.

"Sure thing, Tangerine," Bill called. Nami glanced back confusedly at the nickname, shrugged, and made her way up.

"In case you didn't know, Flower, you're in the mindscape!" Bill said cheerfully. "And we mindscape-dwellers can't interact with the physical world without a vessel! Too bad YOUR vessel is MINE now!"

He cackled as he went up the ladder. "I'll be back to find the rest of your notes later!"

Robin stared after him and quickly floated up through the ceiling. She headed to the kitchen as Bill entered and sat at her usual place.

"Good morning, Robin- _chwan_ my dear!" Sanji exclaimed. He poured her a mug. "Your coffee, prepared lovingly by me!"

"Thanks, Swirl!" Bill/Robin exclaimed. "Coffee, huh?" He laughed, tilted his/Robin's head back, and dumped the steaming hot drink into his/her wide-open mouth, laughing as it spilled out onto Robin's clothes.

The others stared.

"R-Robin- _chwan_ ," Sanji said. "That coffee's . . . hot . . ."

"Yeah, it feels great!" Bill/Robin exclaimed, grinning as he slammed the cup down.

"Would you like another?" Sanji offered.

Bill shook his head. "I'm gonna try some of this food!" As Robin watched in horror, he grabbed some toast and eggs and shoved them into his mouth, choking as he swallowed.

"This feels weird!" he said delightedly.

"Robin, you feeling okay?" Nami asked. "Maybe you _didn't_ get enough sleep . . ."

"I feel fine," Bill/Robin said. "Great, in fact!"

"Your clothes and face are covered in coffee," Franky pointed out.

Bill/Robin grinned again. "You think this is a good look for me, Speedo?"

"Okay, what's with the nicknames all of a sudden?" Nami demanded.

"Whatever do you mean, Tangerine?" Bill asked innocently.

"That," Franky said.

Bill/Robin glanced at him. "Do you prefer Cutty Flam?"

Franky choked on his food. "Wha—how did you—?"

Bill/Robin laughed. "Just kidding, Speedo. Hey, Sword, pass me some of that fried pig meat!"

Zoro slowly passed the demon the bacon, eyeing him/her suspiciously.

Bill tried a piece and spat it out. "Tastes greasy. Well, I'm done! I'm gonna go to the library and rifle through things. See you later, friends!"

He/she went off, humming something tuneless.

"That was . . ." Nami said.

"Maybe she's sick," Chopper whispered. "I'll check on her later."

Robin desperately tried to get the crew's attention to no avail.

"What did Bill say?" she murmured. "Something about a vessel . . ."

She snapped her ghost fingers and flew down to the library, where Bill was throwing books off the shelves. Unnoticed by him, she took what she needed and slowly floated up the ladder.

* * *

"Maybe she was just really tired," Nami said.

"She gets grumpy when she's really exhausted," Luffy said. "I don't think that's it. Maybe she just felt like kidding around?"

"Since when does she kid around like _that_?" Usopp demanded. "I tell you, something weird's going on!"

"Don't call my Robin- _chwan_ weird!" Sanji yelled defensively.

"By the way," Brook said, "there's a sock puppet floating over there. Does anyone know why that is?"

The others looked around and spotted the floating puppet by the door. Usopp and Chopper screamed.

"Hush!" the puppet hissed.

They stared.

"I'm so glad I can finally talk to you," the puppet said, floating next to the table.

"Wait . . . _Robin_?" Chopper said disbelievingly. "But . . . Robin's . . ."

"That wasn't me at breakfast!" Robin exclaimed. "I've made a terrible mistake!"

"You must have, to be turned into a sock puppet," Zoro remarked.

Robin made an angry face with the puppet. "This is the only way I can speak to you, so please listen. A triangle demon tricked me and possessed my body. _He's_ the one in the library right now. He wants to destroy the rest of my notes, but he doesn't know where they are."

"Robin?" Usopp said.

"Yes?"

"No offense . . . but it's kinda hard to take you seriously like this."

Robin made another angry face with the puppet. "Just listen! Please go stop Bill! I can't do anything like this!"

"What are we supposed to do?" Brook asked as everyone stood.

"Beat him up?" Robin suggested.

Everyone froze.

"But I don't wanna hurt you," Chopper whimpered.

"I would never kick a lady!" Sanji yelled.

"Just this once, you can wail on my body all you want," Robin snapped, losing her patience. "I can deal with anything you throw at me, and Chopper can help later. Please, go stop that triangle!"

With a few reluctant glances, the crew went down to the library. They found Bill/Robin still throwing books off the shelves, occasionally rifling through the contents.

Usopp gulped. "H-hey!"

The demon looked up and grinned. "Slingshot, what's up? Wow, the whole party's here!"

"Drop the act, demon," Nami said. "Get out of Robin's body!"

Bill crossed his arms and frowned. "Now how'd you know?"

Robin floated down with the sock puppet and Bill glanced over.

"Oh," he said in understanding. "You're cleverer than I thought, Flower. I underestimated you." He grinned. "Look, I'm not leaving this body anytime soon. I gotta destroy those notes, you see."

"Robin said we could beat her body up," Luffy said, stepping forward. "I really don't want to, but if this is the only way . . ."

"You think you can punch your friend, Strawhat?" Bill questioned.

Luffy ran forward and socked Robin's face. "Sorry!"

"Hey!" Bill exclaimed, punching Luffy back and shoving him away. "Get out of my way!"

"Guys, come on!" Luffy yelled.

The others rushed forward, Sanji staying behind.

"Forgive me, Robin- _san_!" Brook exclaimed, giving her a shallow cut with his sword.

"Cut that out, Skull!" Bill yelled. "Hey, Antler, quit pulling my hair!"

"Sorry, Robin!" Chopper cried.

"Ow-ow-ow!" Bill yelled, shoving everyone away and gasping. "What . . . is this? Legs . . . weak . . . eyes . . . dry and heavy . . ."

"You don't know much about humans, do you?" Nami said smugly. "Robin hasn't slept in days. This is a little thing called _exhaustion_ , triangle guy."

Bill gasped, sweat staining his armpits. "I . . . will . . . prevail . . . !"

"No, you won't," Luffy said, and punched Robin's gut. The body doubled over and slumped to the ground as Bill was catapulted out, flying away and stopping in the corner of the library. Robin saw her chance, dropped the sock puppet, and flew back into her body.

She slowly opened her eyes and looked around.

"I'm back," she said weakly.

The others cheered. Zoro helped her sit up and she winced.

"Ow," she hissed. "You guys really did a number . . ."

"Sorry," Franky said sheepishly.

She winced again. "That coffee still burns . . . my hand . . . what the hell did that demon do to my hand?"

She felt it. "Not broken, at least . . ."

"Robin- _chwan_?" Sanji said, hurrying forward at last. He'd been covering his eyes during the fight to resist rushing forward and stopping the others.

"I'm okay," she said, grimacing.

He and everyone smiled in relief.

"THIS ISN'T OVER."

They jumped and looked around. The sock puppet had come back to life and was speaking with Bill's voice.

"You haven't seen the last of me!" Bill yelled. "You may have defeated me this time, but I'll be back! I'll be back, and THEN I'll destroy your—"

Luffy grabbed the puppet and ripped it apart.

"There," he said firmly.

Robin smiled weakly and collapsed.

"Robin- _chwan_?" Sanji cried.

"Hush!" Chopper hissed. "She's worn-out!"

"Of course she is, poor thing," Nami said softly.

Chopper turned big and scooped her up. "I'll treat her injuries. She needs sleep."

* * *

Robin finally woke up the following morning and came into the kitchen for a hearty breakfast. Everyone cheered when she entered and sat down.

"Robin," Nami exclaimed, hugging her. "Are you okay?"

"Mostly," Robin said. "A few bruises, but nothing that won't heal."

"How did this all happen?" Usopp asked.

Robin explained as much as she could and drew a sketch of Bill on her napkin.

"Keep an eye out for him," she said warningly. "Watch out if he drags you into the mindscape. And for the love of everything, don't accept any deals."

"Like I'd deal with a demon," Zoro scoffed.

"Zoro's already a demon," Usopp whispered.

"What was that?" Zoro said, sending a one-eyed glare his way. Usopp squeaked.

"Robin- _chwan_ , your coffee," Sanji said, serving it up. Robin lifted it to her lips, noticed everyone was watching her, and sipped it as she normally did.

They smiled in relief.


End file.
